Warning!!! Taboo subject… Facing up to the D subject…will it ever get any easier?

Grief: When a Loved One has died and you are struggling to come to terms with life without them….

 

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Losing a Parent or loved one is a devastating event for most of us.  Something that you never get over.  It will change you as a person.  Life will NEVER be the same!

Death is a subject that we don’t like to talk about.  Taboo.  Sweep it under the carpet.  Morbid.  We don’t like to think about our own mortality.  But sometimes we can’t avoid it.  It is one of life’s certainties!

I have been pretty open about the subject, since a young age.  Fascinated by the questions it poses. wanting to know more.  I have studied it from different angles, various religious perspectives, and finally come to a place where I am happy to accept that once the body can no longer function, it dies.  But that is not the end of the story.  The life force, spirit, soul, the ‘I’ that has a body, the real ‘you’; what happens to that part?

I truly believe that we are more than our body, and that part of us is indestructible. That the intelligent, thinking, feeling, person is not just a lump of grey matter that stops existing when the brain shuts down.  I am sure that our ‘essence’ lives on in another reality.  This is being revealed, now, by the new physics.  Particularly by workers in the field of Quantum Physics.Quantum link

This is all very exciting and interesting, but whatever your beliefs, you are still going to feel a huge emptiness for those people who have gone.

I have been struggling to come to terms with the death of my Mum, who died in April 20014.  It has been a very dark and difficult time.  Not wanting to leave the house, because of all the memories that meet me on every corner.  Her house is directly across from ours.  All the places we went together are now out-of-bounds to me.  Her books, jewellery, bric a brack, photos, etc, now clutter up my own house.  It’s too early to bear to part with them.

But yesterday I conquered one of the hardest challenges on my road to acceptance….

The hospital records that I ordered, the day she died.  A great thick wad of documents, sealed in a grey plastic envelope, that has sat on top of a bookcase for nearly two years.

I was too scared to open them.

But for some time they had been on my mind.  I felt the urge to look.  To look for answers…reasons for why she died.  She had been taken ill suddenly; always healthy and active, she suddenly complained of being breathless one Sunday morning. We took her to the hospital and she never went home. In intensive care, hooked up to a ventilator, and unable to speak again to us.  She was dead within a month.

Yesterday I opened the packet and read the notes.  I now understand just how ill she was, and how hard those Doctors and Nurses worked to try to help her.

I think I have turned a corner!  I think I am now beginning the healing process towards acceptance.  I will never get over losing Mum, but I can begin to move on with my life.  I feel different about it today.  I can begin to accept, now, that her body was unable to support her any longer.  It was her time to leave.  It is my time to say goodbye to her, now.

Her Spirit is free now, to continue in another life, and I have to allow her to move on.  So today is that day when I learn to let go….I will always miss her…and will probably still cry forever more….but its time to move on.

 

 

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