Missing Mum

175Hello friends,

 I have been struggling coping just lately, with everything.

Today was a particularly black hole kind of day.  Unable to sleep, I decided to start to write…its about the pain, anger and frustration of losing Mum last year.

She was a fit and healthy woman at seventy-eight. Always independent. She seemed fine the day before. But complained of being breathless, when I phoned her on Sunday morning. No GP so I called the out of hours helpline. They sent a medic out to check on her. Then he sent for an Ambulance to take her to the hospital.

 She never saw her home again. After a month in intensive care on a ventilator, she had two strokes, a heart attack, and several other severe complications to what was initially a chest infection then pneumonia.

 

 

So Sorry Mum

I never expected this; your leaving.

That Sunday morning when we left your house

Even though you said you didn’t want to go

We all pushed you;

It would be for the best

Get you the right treatment.

So you agreed because we reasoned with you.

I grabbed your bag and your coat;

We would get you checked

Then be back home in no time.

No sirens or flashing lights

Just chatting about holidays

with the young Paramedic

As you lay there strapped in

Vulnerable and breathless.

It seemed to take forever;

It was the longest journey I ever took

They wheeled you out of the Ambulance

Into a corridor

Then a side room

Gave you oxygen

Took blood

and wired you up

Then we waited

Waited for literally hours

There was no sense of urgency

Doctors and Nurses appeared

Then went

We would be going home soon

But wait, No!

They want to keep you in?

Down to the ward they wheeled you

I carried your bag

Purple tote with zips

Chiffon head scarf

Purse, pen, magazine

And your coat…

But you didn’t need it

You never wore that coat again.

You never went home

Never felt familiar things around you

Unable to speak because of that machine

That kept you breathing for twenty-eight days

You, mute and helpless as a newborn

With Nurses on shifts

Surrogate mothers tending to their young

You couldn’t fight

As the white coated Demi-Gods strutted about

Imposing invasive intellectual ineptitude

As nightmare scenarios unfolded each day

And despite all the latest

In knowledge, technology, expertise

They were unable to help you

Unable to ‘do no harm’

Mum I’m so sorry

So very sorry

I did what I thought was best

Instead of  listening to you

That gentle voice…telling me

that you didn’t want to go.

S.Hobson. 6/8/2016  copyright

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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4 thoughts on “Missing Mum

  1. I feel for you, I’ve been to that dark pace with both parents, it’s one of the hardest things we’ll ever face. This is very heartfelt, very deeply personal, thank you for sharing this moment in your life, it takes confidence to do that. ♥

    Liked by 1 person

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